my core desired feelings

I don’t know if I would have picked up The Desire Map a year ago. I think I was too stuck in my little rut to realize I didn’t feel the way I really wanted to feel. Let me clarify, I didn’t feel bad I just didn’t feel great. I had (and have) an amazing husband, great family and wonderful friends, but I wasn’t enjoying them as much as I could. Then there was my job, it paid the bills, was fulfilling some days but largely it was draining and caused me more self-doubt than any job should.

In April, my husband and I decided to make a cross-country move to my hometown in Indiana. The relief of knowing I would be out of the job soon was a huge weight lifted, but it wasn’t enough to spur the soul-searching I eventually would embark on. Some unfortunate things happened at the job that caused an identity crisis. That crisis and the guidance of some amazing new friends are what led me to The Desire Map.

As I mentioned, yesterday, I had serious doubts about this process and its ability to alter my perspective. I was so wrong. When my Core Desired Feeling (CDF’s) were on my final piece of paper it was as if they came to life and it took my breath away. Focusing on how I want to feel instead of tasks is giving me a freedom to see what I want in my life much clearer.

I am sharing with you my CDF’s and the things I try to keep in mind daily to make sure my actions are helping me feel the way I want to feel. These are deeply personal feelings and the decision to share them in such depth wasn’t easy.

I hope that after reading them it encourages you to pick up the book or sit with your thoughts and think about how you want to feel.

Core Desired Feelings (1)

in harmony – I want to feel in concert with my surroundings, my roles and my people. I want to feel like everything is in sync. I want to feel like my goals work with family and friends through compromise and clearly communicating my feelings and desires

listen to listen not to respond
consider people’s intentions not my assumptions
share my dreams and fears with the people around me

joyful – I want to feel joy in all areas of my life which to me means not taking it for granted. I want to celebrate the tough moments as learning experiences, seeking the good in all situations and bask in the joy by being present.

put my phone down more and be present
reflect on the things i love in my life
communicate with other how they bring joy to me

poised – I want to carry myself in a way that makes me feel like proud and confident woman I am. I  can only do this by being kind to myself the way I am to strangers and friends during tough times or when trying new things.

keep a journal of my daily accomplishments
stand up straight, make eye contact
I will find an outlet for public speaking either live, podcast or video

vibrant – I want to feel bright and shiny. I want to stand out as an example of a vibrant life filled with positivity and love. I want to make others feel they are important and that they have been seen and heard.

encourage others by seeing them and acknowledging their efforts
make more people smile through small gestures
create resources so other woman can learn confidence

invigorated – I want to feel alive by trying new challenges, not easy new things, but out of my comfort zone opportunities that will force me to grow and learn.

be open to connecting with new people online and off
take steps to making my own business successful
be more open in my writing  and write more

Don’t wait for your identity crisis to decide how you want to feel.

I will be sharing more about my identity crisis and how to avoid your own in this months letter. Sign up using the form in the side bar to make sure you get the letter next week.

Have already created your own CDF’s? Share them in the comments or on twitter.

book club: the desire map

book club

So far we have read The Happiness Project and Delicious!  I really enjoyed Delicious! as a story about self discovery and the background story of food was pretty good too. Some have loved The Happiness Project and others felt the advice sounded like it was coming from a too perfect lady and it made buying in a little difficult.

If you would still love to chat about either book head over at the  Wit Wisdom & Food book and movie club site. We don’t have a strict timeframe on these discussions.

This next book is very different but has opened my eyes to how I want to live and I am excited to talk about it.

What if instead of deciding what we want to achieve we decide, first, how we want to feel? Then we could move through life matching goals to those feelings instead of hoping that our goals create the feelings we want.

Enter The Desire Map.


It took me a while to read this book. I was certain it was going to be a little too woo woo for me. It took some work to put aside my judgmental crap and pick it up to find out. It also took a traumatic life event to be the catalyst. Before you get to traumatic life event stage give it a read and find out how you want to feel. The book will explain how Danielle created The Desire Map, the benefits of focusing your life in this way and then will give you a workbook to find your own Core Desired Feelings. (they are big so they totally require capitals!)

I doubted this process through most of the book. I hit some really heavy quotes that really touched a chord with me but I was still skeptical when I started the workbook. When I finished the work and my Core Desired Feelings were written on one piece of paper it was a very powerful moment. I was a little breathless looking at the five words that so accurately described the life I want. I still can’t believe that a book could help me get to the core of it and that all the people who love this book aren’t wrong. It was a huge turning point for me.

I have never enjoyed goals and the feeling of failing when I don’t reach them or don’t push towards them with Type-A-Overachiever levels. Working towards my dream with Core Desired Feelings has allowed me have more peace, an ability to be nicer to myself about what I want and how I am going to get there. I will sharing my Core Desired Feelings tomorrow and how that is shaping my future.

I can’t wait to talk to you about your Core Desired Feelings and find out which words describe your life. Until then here is a question from Danielle’s Conversation Starters,

What qualities or strengths are dwelling inside you, waiting on the right conditions to come forth? 

Share your answers in the comment section


New here? This is how the book & movie club works…

Each month I share a book & a movie. Selections will be about strong inspirational women, self-discovery or food.
You read the book/watch the movie (hello, captain obvious!)
Head over to Facebook and join the Wit Wisdom & Food book and movie club and join the conversation.
Discussion for the books will begin 2 weeks after the book is announced. Books will be announced on the 2nd Thursday of the month
Discussion for the movie will begin the Monday following the movie announcement. Movies will be announced on the 3rd Friday of the month

*This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something from one of these links, I may receive a small commission (at no additional cost to you). 

getting to know you

I am a huge personality test nerd. I love taking new ones and reading descriptions to learn more about myself. I think it has been imperative to the growth and self discovery I have done.

My favorites for personality are myers briggs and the ennegram. You can take free tests to get an idea, but there are also options deeper analysis if you want to pay for it. I found it helpful to compare these to my horoscope descriptions to find common themes. My theory being that if there are common themes in all four that resonate with me they are good areas for me to develop.

I created a worksheet to guide you to your common traits and help you take actions towards personal growth with these in mind. You can click on the image to download the PDF or use this link. Below the image you will find links to my favorite quizzes and descriptions to help you fill in your sheet.

getting to know you | wit wisdom food

Myers Briggs

Myers Briggs is your classic personality test based on research by Carl Jung and Isabella Briggs Myers in the 1970′s. After completing a test you will receive a 4 letter personality identifier. The description will give you the phrases and insight you need. You can read the types at Myers Briggs or my favorite descriptions are at 16 personalities. They have a quiz there too thought I prefer the quiz at Humanmetrics. It is a good idea to take multiple tests if you don’t plan to purchase an in-depth test so you can compare and get more accurate results.


Ennegram is a something I recently learned about. It focus a little more on what your negative traits are. Which I like because it allows me to think of ways I can adapt and overcome those to accomplish my goals. You can take a free sample test in 10 minutes from the ennegram institute or pay $10 to take the full 40 minute test. This information from the Ennegram Institute will give you details on your type once you find yours. If you are a blogger you can check out Leigh Kramer’s series about bloggers.


You probably already know your astrological sign, but if you don’t this next link will help with that as well. This horoscope information will give you some detailed description of your sign in a variety of areas such as personality, romance, etc.

Chinese zodiac

Unless you studied the place mat at the Chinese food restaurant you might not know your Chinese zodiac sign. This is all based on the year you were born. If you don’t know your sign start here. If you do know your sign you can head straight to this page. Once you have your sign you can dive deeper into it by scrolling to the bottom of the description to find out which of the five elements you were born under.

If you loved all of this and want to know even more about yourself check out StrengthsFinder a book from Gallup. With the purchase of the book you will get a code for access to their detailed assessment. Since you have to pay for it I didn’t include it in the sheet, however, I found the book and test to be one of the most insightful resources. It was a real ah-ha moment for me.

I love learning about my personality and talking to people about theirs. Tweet me and tell me all about what you learned.